You've Got Some Explaining to Do

Ok, so as I lay awake that night on the retreat trying to sort out this idea that I believe was from the Holy Spirit, I wrestled with my doubts and fears concerning stepping out in obedience. Questions like this, "What if it doesn't work?" and "What if the results aren't big enough?" and, "Is this really from you God?" played over and over again in my mind until I eventually fell asleep.

But I came home from the retreat determined to obey, the sooner the better. So I sat at my computer and created an "event" on Facebook (good 'ol Facebook)!

I have worked for a doctor now for 13 years (of course on and off between children etc., but in some capacity for the entire 13 years). I love him deeply, like family. He does not follow Jesus. My heart has ached for his salvation for years, and I have regularly asked God to save him. Over the years there have been very few opportunities (well, ones that I've taken) to share the Good News with him but I have always maintained that the best way for me (HA! like it's up to me!) to save him would be through relationship and him seeing me live it. After Carly was born and I essentially gave up my position at his office (I still do his billing), a beautiful young Christian woman named Sue was hired in my place. Even now typing it out, it's amazing to see back over the years and see God's intentional placement of people and circumstances in his life... incredible!

Anyway, back a month or so ago now, this young woman told me of how she had purchased a used vehicle off of craigslist, and to make a long story short, it ended up the vehicle had been stolen prior to her purchasing it and she had lost not only the vehicle, but all of the money ($6100) she had saved to purchase it. She also was working hard to pay for most of her upcoming summer wedding.

The event was titled, "Live in such a way that demands a gospel explanation." The idea was to collect as much money as I could from friends, relatives, and patients at the doctor's office who were Christians to help pay for a new car for Sue. I knew that it would bless the socks off of Sue, but I was hoping that there would be no other explanation for the "gift" than the gospel.

In the midst of all of this, I felt such a need to hit the floor on our (Brad's and mine) knees to bring our financial situation to God's feet. We had confessed our sin in how we had handled the resources God had given us, but it never had freed us from the worry over what we were going to do about it. And as I talked it over with Brad we began to see how even though we knew we had already been forgiven, we somehow still wallowed in this pit of self-pity and guilt... something that was definitely not from God. And so we've daily been giving our situation over to God in prayer and asking for His guidance and direction as to what we can practically do about it.

I was also reminded too of the importance of listening prayer, something I do not do often enough! After we prayed the first night, we spent some time just listening to what the Holy Spirit would have us hear. Clear as a bell, God brought a verse to my mind... Isaiah 55:9 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so are my thoughts higher than your thoughts, and my ways higher than your ways. Wow. What a way to fall asleep... God just told us.

As the week went on, donations kept coming in for this "event". It was exciting for me to see God work in the hearts of His people to give. And although I was excited, I worried. I didn't think I had enough money yet for this to be a "wow" thing. One morning in the shower as I was praying, God brought another very familiar verse to my mind. Be still and know that I AM GOD. Such a good reminder in light of our finances, and this "event". I went to my computer as usual that same morning to check email and facebook, and wouldn't you know it? TWO of my friends statuses on my news feed were quotes of that same verse. Well, there goes the doubt if that verse was really from you God!

Twice over the next week God brought different people to mind that I hadn't thought of to invite to this "event"... one I even doubted as this person was not at all close to the situation or even knew Sue or the doctor, and so I let it go. The very next day there was a message from this person in my inbox... okay God, I might be a little slow, but I think I'm beginning to recognize your voice a little better. I invited both of these people brought to mind and with stories too long to write, they gave cheerfully.

As the time was drawing to a close I still worried about the amount. Silly me.

Just over a week after I created this "event" I walked in to the office, in God's PERFECT timing and handed Sue a cheque for $5035!! She was overwhelmed to say the least. It was super fun to hear her call all her family and friends to tell them the good news, but what was even better, was to be able to verbalize to her and my boss what a huge God thing this was.

And then. My boss looked at me and said, "Who are you?"

Well, if that question doesn't demand a gospel explanation, I don't know what does!

I wish I could say that I answered the question right then and there with words given to me by the Holy Spirit, but I didn't. The words didn't come, and not because I was fearful, because I wasn't.

So the next day, I sent an email to my boss answering this question with the gospel laid out plain and simple. And you know what? For once in my life I was SO excited to hit that send button. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous, but I was just so thrilled to be able to share with him this truly Good News.

At church yesterday our pastor said something that sums up a lot of what I've been trying to sort out for myself in all of this, it was, "If the gospel is to be good news to the world, it must first be to you, the best news you've ever heard." And that is why to some extent I feel like a new Christian... the gospel is, to me, truly the best news... why would I not want to share that?

I wanted to add too, that in all of our financial struggles this past year, I've really felt that my ability to give joyfully was taken away. I'm a giver by nature, and I think giving is one of my spiritual gifts, but because we just didn't have the means, it has hurt to not be able to be my generous self. I can't say that I've fully 'arrived' yet, but God has shown me that sometimes my reasons for being generous or giving has stemmed from a need for acceptance from people and how that doesn't at all line up with the gospel... that Jesus is enough.

But God gave me a gift when He allowed me to be the 'giver' so to speak, of this gift to Sue. It was honestly the best gift I've ever been able to give, and none of it really came from me! That He allowed me to experience the joy of giving was just so incredible to me.

More to come on why I wouldn't trade in our financial issues for the lessons we are learning along the way...