In the Beginning...

I was raised by wonderful parents who modeled Christ in a secure, loving home. I asked Jesus to come into my heart at the age of 5 with all the childlike faith and understanding I could muster. We went to church, did family devotions, prayed together after dinner, spent a year in South America doing a short-term missions trip, and I watched my parents serve in the church (usually in multiple capacities) and show hospitality to anyone and everyone.

I think as a child I asked Jesus into my heart almost daily, just to make sure, for sure, for sure, that I did not end up in hell.

As a teen I was involved in youth group at our church. Those years are FULL of fun memories, not the least of which are the times spent at summer camp. It was one summer in grade 8 (I think) that I rededicated my life to God and decided I'd do everything in my power to have a better relationship with Him.

At the end of the summer the year I was 16 I was baptized after summer camp... making a public declaration of my death to self, raised in Christ.

Although I went through the motions, had great times of daily time spent with God, was super motivated at other times to pray and motivate the church to revival etc., the roller coaster always came whizzing down the last big drop to a stop at the bottom, and I was always left feeling discontent.

I have to mention too, that I've always thought that Jesus' words were quite literal. I never read the Bible and thought, "Well, for our stage of life, in our culture, those words probably mean... (enter whatever explanation appropriate)." I actually often felt that people could so easily justify their actions/thinking based upon their own interpretation of the Bible. That is not to say that there is no room for interpretation, but when Jesus said, take care of the orphans and widows, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he meant! I often felt out numbered, even in my Christian circles.

Fast forward through the ups and downs of my relationship with God until probably two years ago now. I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan followed by several others based on similar principles/thoughts over the last couple of years. I felt so inspired after reading these books, wanting my life to look different in a better way. BUT, I was often too afraid of what God might ask of me, especially in the form of "giving things up." And, how radically different my life might look to my Christian friends.

I felt especially challenged by a Francis Chan sermon I listened to about the kingdom of God and how it should mean more to you than your own family or any thing you possess... based on the story of the man who sold everything he owned to buy the piece of land where he had found a priceless treasure. But still I woke up day after day, my life in general looking exactly the same as it had the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that. Sure I loved God and desired a closer relationship with Him, wanting to show others Christ's love and raise my kids to follow Jesus, but something was not clicking... It's like the paragraph I quoted in my previous post... I was living my Christian life, not actually believing that the truth in the Bible was actually for me. That when God looks at me, He sees Jesus because He lives in me, and that when He gave me the gift of the Holy Spirit, that I have access to unlimited resources and power, not having to rely on my own strength or abilities to accomplish what He might ask of me.

Stay tuned for my "aha" moment...